Although non-monogamy is prevalent in the gay community, information about how couples navigate this terrain is surprisingly lacking. As a long-term couple (36 years) we had experienced ups and downs and an on-going evolution in our approach to living in a non-monogamous relationship. We were curious about the experience of others and assumed many long-term couples might offer valuable perspectives and hard-earned lessons. The study summarizes data from the 86 couples we interviewed and provides many verbatim quotes illustrating themes, issues and things to consider. The information is most helpful for couples considering opening their relationship or couples struggling with issues related to non-monogamy.