Welcome to the wonderful world of beige parenting, where newborns are swaddled in soothingly sophisticated taupe muslin blankies and toddlers play only with wooden toys in shades ranging from oatmeal to sand. In Dress Your Baby in Sage and Taupe, Hayley DeRoche, the creator known online as @sadbeige, delivers a witty, illustrated satire of the perfectly monochromatic curated lifestyle embraced by modern parents. In a collection ranging from essays and quizzes to advice columns and poems, she takes aim at buzzy parenting trends such as feeding children artisanal baby superfoods or choosing obscure names for their kids like Tawny and Sorrel. This guide walks new parents through every step of the sad beige parenting journey, from decorating the nursery (take care to choose a suitably existential theme such as the Vastness of the Universe), all the way to the milestone that is the first birthday party (be sure to eschew plastic party favors in favor of hand-whittled wooden toys.) Along the way, she gently encourages new parents to realize that they are already the ideal caregiver for their unique little person, with or without the latest limited edition baby carrier or must-have sleep course. With custom illustrations by Julia Emiliani, this heartfelt blend of humor and social commentary is a breath of fresh air for both overwhelmed parents and those striving for Instagram perfection.