At age 43, Darrien McWatters, known to friends as Dee, was living what seemed to be a conventional life in a small British Columbia town: father, husband, businessperson, and local hockey referee and coach. But beneath the surface was a lifetime of confusion, inner turmoil, and an unnamed ache that would finally take shape as gender dysphoria. Sorry I Was Such a D!ck, When I Had One is Dee’s raw, unfiltered memoir of coming out and coming into her full self as a transgender woman, after decades of living under the mask of masculinity. The memoir opens at a moment of profound unraveling: the breakdown of Dee’s marriage, mental health struggles, and a deep identity crisis. What follows is a heartfelt and sometimes humorous exploration of gender, shame, love, loss, parenting, and healing. Dee recounts childhood confusion and closet behaviors, the repeated cycle of bingeing and purging feminine clothing, and her growing sense of disconnection from both her and those around her. As Dee gains language and community, eventually coming out as genderfluid, and later, a transgender lesbian woman, she navigates the rollercoaster of discovery with honesty, vulnerability, and surprising levity. She documents the painful conversations with her children, the complex dynamics with friends and family, and the incredible euphoria of finally living visibly. Along the way, the memoir includes moments of deep reflection, dark humour, gendered misunderstandings, and unexpected joy. From her early awkward experiments with makeup to her decision to undergo gender-affirming surgery, Dee’s memoir is a testament to the courage it takes to live authentically, especially when that means leaving behind a version of yourself the world once celebrated. Through all the pain, humour, awkwardness, and triumph, Sorry I Was Such a D!ck, When I Had One is not just a trans story, it’s a human story. One that offers understanding to cisgender allies, affirmation to those questioning, and a clear-eyed message: it’s never too late to become yourself.