The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter--And How to Make the Most of Them Now

Meg Jay
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The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter--And How to Make the Most of Them Now

Meg Jay
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Found in: Well Being, Self-Help General

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Overview

336 PAGESENGLISH

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Overall rating: 4.2 / 5 from 10 reviews.

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Review topics: ["gift","book","advice","psychologist","plan","step","choice"].

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Reviews

Real but not preachy

"I really enjoyed this book. Jay balances practical advice (backed by anecdotes and research findings) with empathy for twenty-somethings feeling lost. I found this book useful and motivating, unlike the self-help stereotype of preachy and discouraging."

Sophia (5/5)

READ this BOOK!

"Such a great book to give guidance and clarity to young adults. My boyfriend was the one who first recommended i read this book and that was over a year ago - I have since bought this book for 3 friends and recommended it to over 20! I highly encourage giving it a read and it would still be an insightful book for any age group even though it targets those in their 20s and 30s."

Talia (5/5)

A book every 20 year old should read

"Although this book focuses on the importance of the twenties, I read it keeping my kids in mind. The twenties is a very important decade. I really enjoyed the book - it makes a fabulous high school graduation gift!"

Eallen (5/5)

Read in a few days

"Very relatable interesting book with some valuable life lessons that you will take with you."

Brooklyn (5/5)

Banger book

"Great for anyone in their 20s looking for some direction"

BookReader75 (5/5)

Book Review: The Defining Decade

"Book Review: The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter—And How to Make the Most of Them Now by Meg Jay Meg Jay’s The Defining Decade sets out to explain why our twenties are crucial for shaping the rest of our lives. Drawing from her experience as a clinical psychologist, Jay offers a blend of personal anecdotes, psychological research, and practical advice to emphasize the importance of making intentional decisions during this transformative decade. Why I Picked It Up I bought this book because I was feeling super paranoid about my twenties. I thought The Defining Decade would give me a clear game plan to structure my life, providing actionable steps to help me make the most of this pivotal period. I wanted clarity and direction, but instead, I found myself in a feedback loop of worry—the book reinforced that I was right to be concerned about my future but didn’t offer much in the way of navigating these anxieties or building an actual roadmap. What the Book Does Well Validates the Importance of Your Twenties: Jay makes a compelling case for why this decade shouldn’t be wasted, emphasizing how decisions made now (in relationships, work, and identity) have long-term consequences. Relatable Case Studies: The real-life stories of Jay’s clients help illustrate the common struggles and dilemmas faced by twenty-somethings. Insightful Psychology: The book sheds light on how the brain develops in our twenties and how this time can be leveraged for growth. Where It Falls Short Despite its strong messaging about why your twenties matter, the book doesn’t deliver a practical, actionable game plan. Instead of providing clear steps to organize and navigate this critical period, it amplifies the anxiety many already feel about “wasting” their twenties. It identifies the problems but leaves you to figure out the solutions on your own. If you’re looking for a concrete roadmap, this book might leave you feeling more unsettled than empowered. Final Verdict The Defining Decade is a thought-provoking read that underscores the importance of intentionality in your twenties, but it stops short of offering the detailed guidance many readers may be hoping for. If you’re already anxious about the future, this book might validate those fears rather than alleviate them. Rating: ★★★☆☆ (3/5) Best for those looking for perspective rather than a step-by-step guide to structuring their twenties."

Daya E. (3/5)

A bit dated and alarmist

"Two stars for the ideas this book sparked for proceeding in my own life and career, but I found it to be rather alarmist and focused on heteronormative ideas of relationships and family. It was also very apparent that the research for this book was done pre-2008 and was not sufficiently updated for today's twentysomethings. DNF, I wanted to be open to this book but I'm really not one to be tough-loved by a psychologist whose twentysomething subjects are now 40, and included a Jordan Peterson quote in her book. Yikes lol"

Ophelia H. (2/5)

I wish I'd read this earlier

"As someone who's on the 30-end of being a 20something, it was eerie to read words on a page that sounded so similar to questions I've asked over the past decade and concerns so closely echoed by Jay's clients. Jay gives practical advice and made me realize as a reader how many others like myself have gone through similar challenges. While I don't think it's too late to read if you're not a 20something, I will be recommending this book to some of my younger 20something friends."

Alyss (5/5)

Disappointing

"Disappointing from all the hype this book gets, I would not recommend it. There are only 3 chapters on careers and the advice is lackluster. Basically, you need to pick something, and pick early, or else you will be screwed, not exactly the mantra that resonates with me. The 2nd and 3rd chapters deal with ""love"" and ""wellbeing"". If I wanted to be told about marriage, I'd ask family members for advice."

FabioGrande (2/5)

So interesting, insightful, and genuinely helpful!

"As a 20 something, I was recommended this book by a fellow 20 something…. After reading the introduction I already felt like every other 20 something should read this book. I think there is something in there for everyone, whether you’re uncertain about where you’re going, what your future looks like, whether you’re making the right choices, whether you’re stressed about finding jobs or finding your passion, finding love, or taking care of yourself and making healthy choices. The author is extremely informative and backs up a lot of what she says with evidence and experience. She doesn’t seem to push a certain way of living on the reader, but rather utilizes extremely interesting concepts and easy to understand examples that encourage you to think deeper about where your priorities lie and evaluate the choices you’re making in your 20s. It’s also very encouraging. I have already told all my friends about this book."

Madalayne (5/5)

Q&A

  • Published date: Mar 16, 2021
  • Language: English
  • No. of Pages: 336
  • Publisher: Grand Central Publishing
  • ISBN: 9781538754238
  • Dimensions: 5.5" W x 1.1" L x 8.2" H
"This fascinating, engaging book makes a convincing case that the twenties are the most transformative period of people's lives, and even better, shows readers how to get off the couch and live that decade well. It should be read by all young adults, their friends, their parents, their grandparents, their bosses, their siblings . . . really, by just about everyone!"—Timothy D. Wilson, author of Redirect: The Surprising New Science of Psychological Change
Meg Jay, PhD, is a Clinical Psychologist and an Associate Professor of Human Development at the University of Virginia who specializes in twentysomethings. She earned a doctorate in clinical psychology and in gender studies from the University of California, Berkeley. Her books, The Defining Decade and Supernormal, have been translated into more than a dozen languages and her work has appeared in the New York Times, Wall Street Journal, Harvard Business Review and on NPR and BBC. Her TED talk "Why 30 is Not the New 20" is among the most watched to date.

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