NATIONAL BESTSELLER • This parenting classic—as relevant today as it was when it was first published—shines a light on one of the most misunderstood trends of our time: peers, social media, and on-screen culture replacing parents in the lives of children, and what parents can do about it.
With a new chapter addressing mental health in school-aged kids since the pandemic.
Children take their lead from their friends: being ‘cool’ matters more than anything else. Shaping values, identity, and codes of behaviour, peer groups are often far more influential than parents. But this situation is far from natural, and it can be dangerous—it undermines family cohesion, interferes with healthy development, and fosters a hostile and sexualized youth culture. Children end up becoming conformist, anxious, and alienated.
In Hold On to Your Kids, acclaimed physician and bestselling author Gabor Maté joins forces with psychologist Gordon Neufeld to pinpoint the causes of this breakdown and offer practical advice on how to ‘reattach’ to your children, make children feel safe and understood, and earn back your children's loyalty and love. This updated edition also addresses the unprecedented parenting challenges posed by the rise of digital devices and social media.
By helping to reawaken our instincts, Maté and Neufeld empower parents to be what nature intended: a true source of enrichment, security, and warmth for their children.
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Hold On to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers
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Hold On to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers
This parenting classic addresses the shift of influence from parents to peers and digital culture, offering practical advice for reattaching to children. It emphasizes the importance of parental roles in shaping children's values and identity, and provides strategies to foster a healthy family environment amidst modern challenges.
"I love the book, Dr Garbor Mate is amazing, and his wisdom is unmeasurable." — Sylvia
"Great read, many thought provoking ideas and really enjoy the authors writing" — Kate
"It is an essential read for parents and anyone who works with children." — TCBennett
Reviews
Helpful insights
"I have just begun reading, but it offers an interestung perspective so far and feels like it will be helpful!"
— Nata (5/5)
""I've only really talked about one thing: be good to your kids. . . "" - Gabor Mate (podcast)
"I'm no nerd for psychology, but since the heydays of Freud, reflecting and introspecting on one's childhood in order to accurately dissect one's personal ""human condition"" has been a - if not the - way to go. Parenting is one of such ""personal 'human conditions'"" just like understanding patterns of intimacy in one's adult self. In this book, ""Hold On to Your Kids"", Gabor Mate delivers yet another tome on the topic of childhood development and more. I say ""yet another"" to acknowledge the vastness of the literature on this topic already out there. However, as usual, Mate executes the topic with such ease in making it accessible to the laymen; and what is more, it speaks on issues increasingly relevant for parents of millenials and the currently upcoming generations of gen Z and gen Alpha. I would highly recommend this book as equally to parents and those who are already interested in topics in childhood development as I would to casual readers who also care to read-to-know/understand (something)."
— Michael (5/5)
Insightful and Relevant
"Insightful information on relational attachments and how they affect our ability to effectively parent our children to be truly independent. This has become increasingly important in our rapidly changing world!"
— K R. (5/5)
Healthy Parenting, Healthy Boundaries, Soaring children
"What breathe of fresh air to be reaffirmed as a parent, who wants to validate healthy relationships for our children when it comes to their peers while also staying close to model good boundaries and help them navigate their changing emotions and quite frankly helping them with emotional regulation."
— JusKengy (5/5)
Un grand classique!
"Je ne l'ai pas encore commencé mais il va parfaitement convenir à mes plans de lecture et relecture avec annotations! Il est recommandé par tellement de sommités dans le monde du conscious parenting"
— Emma (5/5)
Hold On To Your Kids is a Must Read!
"A must read for parents who are experiencing losing their kids. Understanding taking back your power as a parent isn't so much about setting down hard and fast rules but recreating the needed bonding so that kids can make good choices between listening/following their peers and maintaining solid and healthy connections with their parents whom they will see as their true source of support."
— Linda M. (5/5)
Great book
"I really like this parenting book. It offers honest, straightforward causes and solutions for the problem of peer orientation in children. I would recommend it to any parent who might not know how to do this instinctually."
— Janet (5/5)
Teen parenting book - some great insight
"I'm still reading this book, only recently got it but so far it's good. I'm not a huge reader, so it's not a quick read for me but it's been insightful so far and I'm glad I got it."
— SonjaP (5/5)
Loved it!
"Such wisdom. My husband and I both read and enjoyed this very much. We’ll both be better parents because of this one!"
— Cath (5/5)
Must read book for parents.
"Must read book for parents. A book i referred to often in raising my kids."
— Nathalie (5/5)
Q&A
Date de publication : Aug 13, 2013
Langue : anglais
Nombre de pages : 368
Éditeur : Knopf Canada
ISBN : 9780307361967
Dimensions :
5.99" W x
1.0" L x
8.98" H
NATIONAL BESTSELLER
“A must-read for anyone with children.” —Ottawa Citizen
“[Maté and Neufeld’s] candidness and exposition lead to numerous solutions for reestablishing a caring adult hierarchy. Beautifully written . . . [a] terrific, poignant book.”—Publishers Weekly (starred review)
“With simple ideas and steps, this book is directed not only to parents, but to all those--educators, social workers, counsellors--whose lives and work bring them into contact with children.” —Quill & Quire
“May serve as a loud wake-up call for mothers and fathers.... Offers what many of the others do not--that rare commodity known as common sense.” —Winnipeg Free Press
“With the benefit of thirty years of research and experience, Neufeld has crafted a coherent, compelling theory of child development that will cause an immediate frisson of recognition and acceptance in its readers. His approach has the power to change, if not save, the lives of our children.” —National Post
“[Maté’s] precise and hard-hitting prose . . . makes complex ideas accessible without dumbing them down. The result is a book that grabs hard, with the potential to hit many parents where they live.” —Edmonton Journal
“Visionary. . . . [Hold On to Your Kids] goes beyond the usual explanations to illuminate a crisis of unrecognized proportions. . . . Most importantly [Neufeld and Maté] offer, through concrete examples and clear suggestions, practical help for parents to fulfill their instinctual roles. A brilliant and well-written book, one to be taken seriously, very seriously.” —Peter A. Levine Ph.D., author of the bestselling books Waking the Tiger, Healing Trauma and It Won’t Hurt Forever: Guiding Your Child through Trauma
“Boldly states the problem and maps out plans for its solution. Let us take its suggestions seriously now so that together we can improve the future for our children and their children as well.” —Daniel J. Siegel, M.D., author of The Developing Mind and Parenting from the Inside Out
Gordon Neufeld, Ph.D, is a Vancouver-based clinical psychologist, internationally renowned as a foremost authority on child development. His Neufeld Institute delivers many courses he has created for parents, educators and helping professionals on several continents. He is recognized for his unique ability to unlock the clues to seemingly complex problems of child rearing and education.
Gabor Maté, M.D., is a physician and the bestselling author of When the Body Says No, Scattered Minds and In The Realm of Hungry Ghosts. A sought-after authority on stress, mind-body health, ADHD, parenting, and addictions, he travels extensively, addressing health personnel, teachers and lay audiences across North America and internationally.
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